I am exhausted. I am so tired and worn out that when I do get a chance to relax or sleep it isn't enough.

It's not that my kids don't sleep, they do, but it's not enough. For some reason the younger two have decided that naps are just not for them. At two and three, I know better than they do, that they do indeed need a nap. Not just for my sanity, but it's also in their best interest. Who are we kidding, they don't care. They just want to eat, play, poop, play, eat, poop, and play again.

Naptime is a daily battle in our home. Natalie has no desire to partake in the festivities of naptime, she doesn't fight it and will lay in bed the entire time. Sometimes quietly, other times not so much. But, go for a ride in the car in the time frame of naptime and she crashes, not gently either -she crashes hard. Lucy on the other hand will fight me until I just can't deal with her anymore. We've tried everything -literally everything out there. Occasionally, she will fall asleep after much struggle, and lay down with me. But the moment I move, her eyes pop open and she pops out of bed. -As I type this, it is supposed to be nap time and I'm fighting with them yet again.

I've been told that maybe they are just done napping, but really they are an absolute mess in the evenings if the don't sleep for a bit. So, right now I am sitting at the table in their room, listening to the pleas, the cries, and the negotiating as to why they don't want to sleep and why they should be out playing instead.

Lost in Translation

I find myself repeating things over and over again lately. I don’t know if it’s me that is not speaking clearly or if my children are just not listening to me (I’m positive it’s the latter)

Example: Tonight, I watch Natalie (3) run up and push, an already running, Lucy (2) to the ground -cartwheels follow along with tears. Of course, I do my usual nagging -don’t push your sister, don’t push anyone. Not two minutes later she comes tearing through the kitchen and pushes Mariah (13) as she’s trying to put away dishes. AGAIN, I have to repeat myself and sent her to time out. At this time all hell unleashes and she’s a whirlwind of arms and legs and tears and high pitch wailing. Moments later I find myself going over a similar situation with the 10 & 2 year olds. I don’t get it.

I really hate it when my husband can respond with such force and fury that the children just melt into a puddle of tears and really all he’s done is just given them the “eye”. Not a word or movement. It takes every ounce of my being just for the kids to notice that I’m even in the room, and he bats a lash and they snap out of it.

Gaarrrr….. Yes, all pirate style. This is a daily battle and I’m trying to overcome it.

Now, I’ve worked on our menus for the next month and while from time to time they will change without notice, the following is for this week:

Monday: Egg burritos and pears -throw your kids off and in lots of veggies

Tuesday: Grilled Cheese sandwiches with tomato soup -someday I’ll make our own, for now we thank Campbells

Wednesday: Spaghetti, French bread, & salad - we do not serve jar sauce here, you can do it!

Thursday: Chicken skewers, rice, & broccoli -marinated chicken in yoshida’s or soy sauce

Friday: Homemade pizza - kids get cheese pizza, adults get chicken pesto w/ cream sauce YUM!

We are set to be gone this weekend so I didn’t schedule any dinners.

mmm.... bread

The other morning I woke up and had this hankering for fresh baked bread. Knowing that I couldn't just go down to Safeway, because I loathe that bigbox, grocery hoarding store, I would have to find a recipe that I could work with. I have tried baking bread countless times. I've made all different kinds, some have turned out okay, and others have failed miserly. Not even the local seagulls were interested in picking up the scraps -it has been that bad.

-not saying this one was bad, just doesn't compare

So, my search began. It is no secret that I am a huge fan of The Pioneer Woman. I have been reading her blog/website for over a year and have loved every moment of it. So when The Tasty Kitchen went up I was ecstatic. A site that not only Ree would post her fave recipes on but so would countless other women/men who have this undying love for Ree's site, and the love of food. That's where we are now, I found a recipe for a simple white bread. Of course, as usual with everything, I messed with it-changing amounts, and well, I even added some basil to it by mistake. This has to be the best gosh darn bread that I have ever baked. It turned out just like the picture (hey, we live by pictures here), except better because it was in my frickin' house and I made it!

It was so hard not to carve into it the moment it came out of the oven. When it had cooled just enough we(the kids and I, although I was hoping nobody else wanted any) sliced up the smaller loaf for a snack - holy goodness! The butter melted into the bread and it needed nothing else. And it was gone. The second loaf was gone within two days - I even shared some with the gals down at The Cracked Bean Coffee Co., aren't I nice? This recipe was easy and turned out so good. Definitely a new addition to our recipe book for sure.

While this bread was baking, I asked my #3 in line(the one with the crazy eyes, she gets that from her dad's side) "Do you smell that baby?" She gave me a funny look and said "Did you fart mommy?" in response, without laughing, 'cause that's how I handle everything, I replied "no sweetie, I was talking about the bread." and then ran to my room and cried -okay, I laughed.

turn of events?

I’ve been torn lately as to which direction this blog should take. Originally it was thought that I would share my adventures, ideas, and life by using coupons to live frugally. Here is where I am torn; coupons are typically for items that are processed and mass produced. I enjoyed picking up my cheap often free shit from the grocery stores. But my family has been moving closer to a lifestyle in which we make most food items we consume from scratch and locally grown. We are also planning on turning our little half acre lot into our own food producing mini farm. Mostly gardens to start, and hopefully introducing chickens/goats in the future. Our own little homestead on the Olympic Peninsula.

I still save and double up on coupon circulars, watch the store ads, and even print up coupons on occasion, I just don’t frequent the big box stores that often or crave the processed foods. Really, I only go to Costco -to stock up on things- and a little country store called Sunny Farms. Unfortunately, very few coupons are exchanged at either. So, as we focus our attention on here for a more local feel with recipes and pure & utter homesteady goodness, I will occasionally tell you about deals, steals, good feels I come across.

With much love,

Tory

random thoughts... monday night style

Have you ever just been sitting around, drinking a cup of tea, enjoying the peacefulness because everyone has gone to bed... then this sudden panic and urgency rushes over you? Yep, that's because you forgot that your three year old has been sitting on the toilet for the last thirty minutes.

I walked in (bolted) and asked her if she was done. Her reply..."no." "How in the hell can you not be done? Child, I forgot you were even in here." She simply said, "Get out, I'm pooping." Enough said. And I walked out. Not two seconds later I hear "I'm done." Gaaaahhhh.....

Resolutions.... resolve

I’d love to say that I am confident, that I believe enough in myself to have at least one resolution that I know I can keep, but the fact is, I am not.

I wish I could say, I’d love for this to be the year that I can finally feel well enough to stick to something, anything. Whether it be a new diet, exercise plan, or give more time, anytime, to myself.

I wish that I had enough faith in my doctors, the ones that I trust to care for me, to make the proper decisions in my healthcare.

I’d hope that by deciding that I’m going to put my family first, doesn’t make me selfish. Just because I don’t come visit or call everyday doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you too.

I’d hope that when I say “I don’t feel good”, or “something hurts” that I be taken seriously and that I’m not trying to drum up attention. I rarely make anything about myself.

I take full responsibility for my mistakes when I was younger and those in the future. Although, I don’t see them as mistakes, just lessons learned.

Now with all of that aside, I can now say...

I will work on my self-confidence. I am worthy, I am imperfect, I am me.

I resolve to lose weight. I miss my tight yoga ass.

I resolve to eat somewhat healthier. Notice the “somewhat”, there are somethings that I will never give up -coffee and breads

I resolve to become more active with my children. I'm with my kids 24/7, but not always mentally.

I resolve to be a better partner to my husband. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to bend over backwards babe, but will definitely work on it.

I will take time for myself. Mama needs a pedicure.

What will you decide to do?

well, dammit.

So much for keeping up with the Joneses.

Yes, I'm lame, but it's been pretty busy here. We've had Lu's 2nd birthday -um, tears- with par-tay; we've enjoyed Halloween, not to mention the hubby and I have been working hard on our new business-not too much longer peeps! Then my birthday came and went in the dark of night-thank goodness, almost completely un-noticed, whew, so glad to be 29 again. We've had sickness, and had to argue our way out of certain vaccinations. Now, we are getting ready for winter in a house we have no idea how it's going to handle it. We have discovered a leak on the roof at our chimney-fixed. Shitty gutter downspouts. Heinous heaters and about to receive our first two cords of firewood since we can't rely on heaters or electrical to the aforementioned heaters. Then last night we found our carpet downstairs was wet -only about a 4ft by 6ft section along a wall and we found the culprit right away. So we think we've fixed why the water was coming in, but need to fix where the water was seeping in and it's where the wall meets the floor. Fun.

My three months of menus was thwarted when a couple of pages went missing and um...someone forgot to save them. So we had nine weeks of menus and they were partially successful. The next six weeks will be a bit more difficult and flexible, I will still prepare a menu, but with options.

Now, I've been using homemade laundry soap since last April and have loved it -there is no strong laundry smell, made from products that you can find in most grocery stores, and best of all YOU know what's in it. Crystal over at the family homesteadhas information on the products that you should use and the recipe that she's been using. I have researched and read tons of recipes and adjusted for our family's needs. Our family has sensitive skin and this has resolved those issues. It's is easy on your clothing and works really well with cloth diapers. Now for all you laundry loving fools, I have put together the recipe and pictures of the process below.

Homemade Laundry Soap
1 bar of laundry soap-Zote, Fels Naptha, Libria, Ivory
1 cup of Borax
2 cups of Arm & Hammer Washing Soda
1 cup of pure baking soda
6cups water
3 gallons hot water
3-6 drops of essential oil -lavender is our fav
5 gallon bucket
*grate up the bar of soap-most other sites only recommend 1/3 of a bar, I use an entire bar because I make nearly 5 gallons of laundry soap at a time, double the amount-remember four kids +one husband whose job requires the occasional jont in the woods + one mama who bakes without concern for mess = very dirty laundry all of the time. *Zote is what I used this time, probably never again -it's a little strong smelling-I've used Ivory and it's very gentle
*boil 6 cups of water in a pot, stir in the grated bar of soap and simmer until completely dissolved -be patient and STIR it.
*Stir in Borax, Arm & Hammer Washing Soda, and baking soda to the water/soap mixture -return to simmer, stir and wait for it to dissolve. If it seems too thick, add a cup or so of water to it, it'll help it dissolve quicker and don't forget to STIR.
*in your 5 gal bucket add 3 gallons of HOT water - I save my milk & vinegar containers just for my detergent.
*add your dissolved detergent mixture to the 5 gal bucket and stir until it is mixed well. Here is where I also add in my essential oil -stir that in and smell the deliciousness that will soon be your laundry!

I have so graciously offered to host Thankgiving-the day after, which we have dubbed, Our Food Celebration. And so it being an open invitation, I have no frickin' idea who is showing up -enter smiley face with beads of sweat or are those tears? no matter. More of that to come, I'll try to post some of my menu and recipes soon.

Oh, if anyone can remind me how to rotate these damn pictures, I'll send you happy thoughts